For those of you have been, or will be, reading my blogs here on Tripper’s “Tales From The Cells” ……

Continued from Convict Definitions 101 Part 1…

Please find listed below a few definitions of prison terms and phrases you’ll need to know in order to better understand convict lingo and be penitentiary literate. Be advised some of these definitions apply only to United States Federal Prisons whereas others are universal in state institutions as well. This blog is meant to be both education­al and amusing, but does have graphic content. I hope you’ll enjoy and let me know if you want to continue Convict Defintions 101.

-Tripper

UP TOP: To be ran “up top” means an inmate or group of inmates were forced to seek protective custody in the SHU (the hole) by another group of inmates. In December of ‘07, at this federal institution, all child molesters were severely beaten and ran “up top” by the majority of the inmate population.

CENSUS COUNT: In federal prison, by policy, institution staff is required to do 2 census counts every month and report the results to Central Office Staff in Washingto D.C. This is to ensure that all inmates are where they’re supposed to be and no one has escaped. Census count is in addition to regular hourly and daily counts.

HOOCH: Hooch is simply homemade prison alcohol. It can vary from homemade beer, to wine, to actual distilled liquor. Personally, I’ve never drank any hooch. Nor have I smoked marijuana in prison, had sex with a female prison guard or broken any rules of the institution for that matter. Yeah, right!

THE WALLS: Some prisons that have high walls are called “the walls.” United States Leavenworth Prison is a walls joint. So is Jefferson City in Missouri.

BOOTY BANDIT: A booty bandit is a homosexual inmate predator that rapes young boys by force. “Dude’s a booty bandit! Better tell your weak ass homeboy to watch himself. He may come for him!”

CHECK-IN: A check-in is an inmate who turns himself in for protective custody. Usually a baby raper, snitch, or someone who owes a debt for tobacco, gambling, or store.

PUNK: This is a prison homosexual. Not a punk as in free world lingo. A punk sucks dick, takes it up the ass, and is property of his daddy. Personally, I don’t like punks and don’t condone the actions of them or their daddies.

BUSH PASS: I first heard this term from a female convict from Tennessee. This means to escape from a work crew or trustee assignment. “Hey man, where did Smitty go? Did the mf’er take a bush pass or what?” Convicts looking all around as a friend runs for the bushes or nearby trees.

R&D: This is the area of the institution where inmates are received and dis­charged.

Come-Fuck-Me’s: In the state system, inmates always wear boxer shorts. Briefs are known to all as “Come-Fuck-Me’s”. Just ask any weak individual who has been forcibly raped in the Arkansas, Mississippi or Louisiana Departments of Corruption.

Cadillac: In most systems, a Cadillac is a name brand cigarette such as a Lucky Strike, Marlboro or Pall Mall. Not a generic cigarette or roll-up. In the fed system, a Cadillac can also mean a dustpan. The kind with a handle on it. Inmates walk the compound with their brooms and Cadillacs picking up small pieces of paper and trash.

Catch a Hat: This phrase simply means to “leave.” “Catch a hat mf’er. I’m tired of looking at your sorry ass!”

A Line: A line is basically a fishing line used in the SHU or hole. An inmate will tear the string from a sheet, elastic from boxer shorts, or whatever material he can find and make a long string. Then, an object such as a pocket comb or a dead battery (AAA) is tied to the end of the string making it easier to toss under the cell door to and from other cells across and down the hall. You’d be amazed at the skill level of some of these convicts shooting lines.

G.F.T.: In the Arkansas state system, if an inmate has G.F.I, stamped on their file, it means he is “good for information.” Again, snitch, rat or stool pigeon….

And the REQUESTED term for this Convict Definitions is…

Fe-Fe Bag: Someone asked about this. This is something a convict rigs up to “fuck”. Usually a rubber glove finger wrapped tightly inside a towel held together by rubber bands or strings. Something “tight” an inmate can squeeze a little lotion in and fuck as if it were a woman’s vagina. Personally, I’ve never used a fe-fe bag although I have seen one taken by an officer during an institution shakedown. Beats fucking a punk I guess. Although I prefer Rosy Palmer and her four sisters myself.

Tripper’s Rep speaking here…

I spoke with Tripper on the phone this evening. He was in much better spirits, ready to get the stint taken out and proceed back to normal with life. They have to take him back out to an outside hospital one more time, sometime within the next week. They never disclose the appointment time or date. He is in less pain everyday and I think is just more annoyed now with the discomfort. He wanted to thank you all for your well wishes, thoughts, and prayers, and to let you know he has personal messages in the mail, and a blog about this entire ordeal. He ended with a Happy Thanksgiving to all and of course Tripper’s catch phrase, BETTER DAYS!!

Also, please be watching, I am going to post a blog about a holiday card/gift bash for Tripper. I will post that the day after Thanksgiving in order to give everyone enough time to participate should you want to. (And I sure hope you do, if we pull together, it makes such a big difference!!) There will also be information in that blog about a calendar that is in the making, and a couple of sexy ladies have some great ideas, but again, we need input from you. So stay tuned!!

TR

THE DOG and PONY SHOW: On occasion, a United States Senator, Government big-wheel or Central Office staff will come to tour the institution. The Dog and Pony Show is where administrative and custody staff rush to temporarily hide or cover-up all the prison’s inadequacies so the visiting parties won’t “see” or “know” the real deal concerning the hideousness of the pen. Shit gets fixed and painted, food miraculously becomes edible and staff all dress up in their best J.C. Penny suits. Convicts are ordered to be on their best behavior or else. After all, the warden’s gotta make everything look good. Until … they’re all gone! Then everything returns to normal. The Dog and Pony Show.

THE SPREAD: To “spread” is where convicts break bread with one another. Men gather commissary items and/or food stolen from the kitchen to prepare a meal. Dishes like super nachos, burritos or tuna salads or other like items everyone is familiar with - sitting together, talking trash, telling lies and enjoying a good meal. 99% of the time, the spread is more palatable and nutritional than any of the tasteless bs an inmate will receive in the prison chow hall. Therefore, it’s both a pleasure and a luxury for robbers and murderers to be able to get together and enjoy a “spread.”

WRECKLESS EYEBALLING: You’ll probably think I’m lying about this one. But I swear it’s true! Here we are, a bunch of horny convicts locked away in prison totally stricken from the female race for years and years and years. And, we’re not suppose to look or stare at a woman. Female staff and prison guards, some attractive and others butt ugly as orangutans in the jungles of Borneo, still they look good to the inmate serving 30 to LIFE. Yet if one does break weak and decide to take a quick peak or stare at a woman’s tits or ass; they can be written an incident report for “wreckless eyeballing,” beat down and sent to the hole. And that’s for real! Convicts are expected to stare at the ground any time a female walks past.

THE WOODPILE: In prison, white men refer to themselves as peckerwoods. Female convicts are featherwoods. That may not be what other groups or races call them. And I won’t go into what peckerwoods and featherwoods might call the other groups or races. But among themselves, it’s respectable for one stand-up male convict to say to another, “What’s up peckerwood?” A woodpile is simply a prison that houses a lot of pecker or featherwoods. For example, FCI El Reno Oklahoma was a “woodpile.” Whites ran the yard and didn’t take shit from members of the other groups or races. I’d rather be doing time at an institution where there’s a woodpile than to be housed where there’s a bunch of other idiots that think they’re in power and calling the shots. Woodpiles are the shit!

WRIT WRITER: A writ writer is a convict who is somewhat educated in the com­plicated science of law. A man or woman who is not afraid of the higher ups who run the institution and will buck on them when they’re abusive or corrupt. A writ writer is experienced in attacking through the administrative remedy procedure as well as proficient in filing lawsuits in state of federal courts. A writ writer is also a stand-up convict that knows not defeat in the face of the enemy. They’ll do whatever it takes to make things better for all inmates alike to their last dying breath, even if it means being subject to badgering, harassment or retaliation. And even if it means going to the hole or being put on diesel therapy as well. A writ writer is a fighter for the cause.

THE 3-SECOND RULE: This is a funny one. First off, please understand, not all jails or prisons feed their inmates properly. With a federal mandated 800 calorie a day minimum, a person can sometimes go hungry. I was sitting across from a guy in the chow hall one time on the 4th of July. To celebrate America’s independence, this particular federal prison was serving BBQ ribs to the inmate population. Suddenly the convict sitting across from me dropped his slab of greasy pig on the floor. With lightning fast quickness he reached down, scooped up the pork and yelled, “3-Second Rule!” Then, he began to eat. The 3-second rule is where when a man drops his food and it doesn’t remain on the floor for no more than 3-seconds, it’s legal to pick it up and eat it. Desperate times bring desperate measures.

CHO’ MO’: In lockup, lots of people, places and things get assigned prison slang. Cho’ Mo’ is simply short for child molester, an inmate we as convicts despise and abhor. As a matter of fact, cho’ mo’s are so hated by myself and the inmate population, that I will not dignify them by expounding on this definition any further. In short, cho’ mo’s are simply the dregs of convict society. Fuck a cho’ mo’ for real!

HOPE SELLERS: Hope sellers are men or women in the joint that count on God to get them out of prison, a new law to go into effect that will cut them loose, or parole to be brought back by Congress when there is no parole. And, they force their views on other inmates trying to give them the same unfounded hope they have when in reality, all are going to remain in prison no matter what until every last day of their prison sentence is served. Personally, I’m a realist and I don’t deal with hope sellers very well.

If you like this blog and would like to read more “Convict Definitions 101,” please let me know and leave some comments. Any unusual questions about terms or things in prison, shoot, I’ll give you my best and most honest shot! Thanks again for reading! I’m Tripper! Better Days!

Part 2 is here