Convict Definitions 101 - Part 1
For those of you have been, or will be, reading my blogs here on Tripper’s “Tales From The Cells” ……
Please find listed below a few definitions of prison terms and phrases you’ll need to know in order to better understand convict lingo and be penitentiary literate. Be advised some of these definitions apply only to United States Federal Prisons whereas others are universal in state institutions as well. The following 12 are the first of many more to come in bi-monthly installments of Convict Definitions 101. This blog is meant to be both educational and amusing. I hope you’ll enjoy.
-Tripper
LIAR’S ROW: In federal prison, this is a group of upper level executive prison staff who stand in a row at mainline (mealtime in inmate dining). These are the jackasses, i.e. the Warden, Assistant Warden, Captain, Health Services Administrator, Psychologists, etc. that are supposed to be there to assist inmates in answering their questions. When in reality, all they’re going to do is either lie to the inmate or pass the buck to another staff member on liar’s row. And, chances are, the staff member who just interviewed you won’t even remember your name the moment you walk away.
JODY and SANCHO: Sometimes jokingly and sometimes more often than not, Jody is the name given to a fictional or real character that’s just ran off with an inmate’s old lady. I think Jody may have originated in the American military as in the old song lyrics that go, “Ain’t no need in comin’ home. Jody’s got your girl and gone!” Jody is widely hated by all convicts both federal and state. And Sancho? Well, Sancho is simply the Mexican equivalent to Jody, well known by all Hispanic prisoners as well. If I had to venture a guess, I’d bet there’s a Jody in all cultures.
DIESEL THERAPY: Now here’s one you’ve probably never heard of. Diesel therapy is a fed thing. When an inmate becomes a major pain in administrative prison staff’s ass by filing lawsuits and complaints. The feds load him up on a bus and transfer him from jail to jail, prison to prison, all over the United States never allowing the convict to stay in one place long enough to receive mail or make commissary. If a man’s lucky, he might land in a stable prison environment in a couple of years or so. Or by the time he is ready to discharge his sentence. And if not, he could be inhaling diesel fumes for quite a long time. Thus, diesel therapy.
THE THORAZINE SHUFFLE: This is when the prison psych or doctors put a convict on so much thorazine or other psychotropic meds that he can’t even walk. Thus, he tends to shuffle from point A to point B, dragging his feet everywhere he goes. The thorazine shuffler usually wears his shower shoes or house slippers because he’s too messed up to leave his cellblock or housing unit. Thorazine patients are easy to recognize as they always have a blank expression on their face and dark circles under their eyes. And too, many can’t even remember nor pronounce their names. Every inmate in every prison in the United States is familiar with the thorazine shuffle.
THE DOG and PONY SHOW: On occasion, a United States Senator, Government big-wheel or Central Office staff will come to tour the institution. The Dog and Pony Show is where administrative and custody staff rush to temporarily hide or cover-up all the prison’s inadequacies so the visiting parties won’t “see” or “know” the real deal concerning the hideousness of the pen. Shit gets fixed and painted, food miraculously becomes edible and staff all dress up in their best J.C. Penny suits. Convicts are ordered to be on their best behavior or else. After all, the warden’s gotta make everything look good. Until … they’re all gone! Then everything returns to normal. The Dog and Pony Show.
THE SPREAD: To “spread” is where convicts break bread with one another. Men gather commissary items and/or food stolen from the kitchen to prepare a meal. Dishes like super nachos, burritos or tuna salads or other like items everyone is familiar with - sitting together, talking trash, telling lies and enjoying a good meal. 99% of the time, the spread is more palatable and nutritional than any of the tasteless bs an inmate will receive in the prison chow hall. Therefore, it’s both a pleasure and a luxury for robbers and murderers to be able to get together and enjoy a “spread.”
WRECKLESS EYEBALLING: You’ll probably think I’m lying about this one. But I swear it’s true! Here we are, a bunch of horny convicts locked away in prison totally stricken from the female race for years and years and years. And, we’re not suppose to look or stare at a woman. Female staff and prison guards, some attractive and others butt ugly as orangutans in the jungles of Borneo, still they look good to the inmate serving 30 to LIFE. Yet if one does break weak and decide to take a quick peak or stare at a woman’s tits or ass; they can be written an incident report for “wreckless eyeballing,” beat down and sent to the hole. And that’s for real! Convicts are expected to stare at the ground any time a female walks past.
THE WOODPILE: In prison, white men refer to themselves as peckerwoods. Female convicts are featherwoods. That may not be what other groups or races call them. And I won’t go into what peckerwoods and featherwoods might call the other groups or races. But among themselves, it’s respectable for one stand-up male convict to say to another, “What’s up peckerwood?” A woodpile is simply a prison that houses a lot of pecker or featherwoods. For example, FCI El Reno Oklahoma was a “woodpile.” Whites ran the yard and didn’t take shit from members of the other groups or races. I’d rather be doing time at an institution where there’s a woodpile than to be housed where there’s a bunch of other idiots that think they’re in power and calling the shots. Woodpiles are the shit!
WRIT WRITER: A writ writer is a convict who is somewhat educated in the complicated science of law. A man or woman who is not afraid of the higher ups who run the institution and will buck on them when they’re abusive or corrupt. A writ writer is experienced in attacking through the administrative remedy procedure as well as proficient in filing lawsuits in state of federal courts. A writ writer is also a stand-up convict that knows not defeat in the face of the enemy. They’ll do whatever it takes to make things better for all inmates alike to their last dying breath, even if it means being subject to badgering, harassment or retaliation. And even if it means going to the hole or being put on diesel therapy as well. A writ writer is a fighter for the cause.
THE 3-SECOND RULE: This is a funny one. First off, please understand, not all jails or prisons feed their inmates properly. With a federal mandated 800 calorie a day minimum, a person can sometimes go hungry. I was sitting across from a guy in the chow hall one time on the 4th of July. To celebrate America’s independence, this particular federal prison was serving BBQ ribs to the inmate population. Suddenly the convict sitting across from me dropped his slab of greasy pig on the floor. With lightning fast quickness he reached down, scooped up the pork and yelled, “3-Second Rule!” Then, he began to eat. The 3-second rule is where when a man drops his food and it doesn’t remain on the floor for no more than 3-seconds, it’s legal to pick it up and eat it. Desperate times bring desperate measures.
CHO’ MO’: In lockup, lots of people, places and things get assigned prison slang. Cho’ Mo’ is simply short for child molester, an inmate we as convicts despise and abhor. As a matter of fact, cho’ mo’s are so hated by myself and the inmate population, that I will not dignify them by expounding on this definition any further. In short, cho’ mo’s are simply the dregs of convict society. Fuck a cho’ mo’ for real!
HOPE SELLERS: Hope sellers are men or women in the joint that count on God to get them out of prison, a new law to go into effect that will cut them loose, or parole to be brought back by Congress when there is no parole. And, they force their views on other inmates trying to give them the same unfounded hope they have when in reality, all are going to remain in prison no matter what until every last day of their prison sentence is served. Personally, I’m a realist and I don’t deal with hope sellers very well.
If you like this blog and would like to read more “Convict Definitions 101,” please let me know and leave some comments. Any unusual questions about terms or things in prison, shoot, I’ll give you my best and most honest shot! Thanks again for reading! I’m Tripper! Better Days!
Tags: 101, blog, CHO' MO', Convict, Convict Definitions 101, Definitions, DIESEL THERAPY, HOPE SELLERS, JODY and SANCHO, LIAR'S ROW, THE 3-SECOND RULE, THE DOG and PONY SHOW, THE SPREAD, THE THORAZINE SHUFFLE, THE WOODPILE, WRECKLESS EYEBALLING, WRIT WRITER
Prison | Tripper | 
November 16, 2008 11:30 pm | 
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