Cell Mates

At the medium and high security federal prisons inmates are generally housed in 2 or sometimes 3 man cells. Many times race is not taken into consideration when inmates are assigned to live with one another. Nor is religion, hygiene, or any other issue. Many inmates are institutionalized and are use to doing time a certain way, are routine oriented, and quie frankly get very upset when an undesirable inmate is forced into their domain. Having a good living arrangement with a good cellmate accounts for about 70% of doing time any where near comfortably. Prison staff, from the Warden right down to the menial C.O., could care less who you house with until after a serious, sometimes deadly, alteration occurs. I mean what bonafide card carrying member of the KKK would want an N.O.I. Muslim living in an 8′ x 12′ cell with them? The following is a list of rules I furnish to any new inmate that’s put in my cell.

If you are going to live in this cell with me, there are a few simple rules you need to know and follow before you move in. Before you read these rules, you must first realize and understand you are no my cellmate yet. Neither are you considered a guest or good buddy. I see you as an intruder in my living area, and I can’t stand the fact that you have shown up at my door - I do not love you.

THE RULES:

1. You will keep your area and you ass clean. Do not come in here smelling like someone shit on you.

2. If you se a radio, cup, ink pen, or any other item that is not yours, keep your fucking hands off unless you are given permission to touch them.

3. I do not wake anyone up for chow, work call, or medical appointments. If you miss any of your meals or call outs, fuck you. I do not come and get you for anyone either.

4. Buy your own cigarettes (obsolete now), coffee, and soft drinks. I will provide for me- you provide for you.

5. Never sing, whistle, hum, snore, and never tap your fingers or feet to music, imagined or otherwise.

6. I do not give a damn about hearing anything about your sentence, private life, or case, unless you pay me to hear your shit. Fuck your case, and your small talk, and you. I do not give a fuck about you, or how doing this time drives you. We all want out, we all want pussy, we all want liquer and drugs.

7. Do not ask personal questions at all. I am not starving for conversation.

8. Never bring a friend to the cell when I am sleeping. If I am asleep, prepare to fight your life should your noise happen to wake me up.

9. Never have a joint or any other type of drug in the room without telling me.

10. Every time you use the sink, wash it out. If the trashcan is full, empty the mother fucker.

11. If you are one of those whiners that only have a little bit of time to serve, I.e. ” Whah, Whah, I got a year!” Shut your fucking mouth because I have a hell of a lot more time to do than you do and I don’t want to hear your shit.

12. Last and most importantly, don’t associate with 2-legged RATS or prison PUNKS. If you do, fuck you, you are history.

Tales from the Cells……..

1 Comment

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  By krystalla, August 14, 2008 @ 10:03 am

  HAHAHA We have the same rules pretty much in my house. I tell my son not to bitch about living here, one day he will get out, I however have to stay lol. Blessisngs

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