No Rainbows and Lollipops

There are a lot of weird mother fuckers in prison, both staff and inmates alike. Some straight up assholes on both sides of the fence. There are inmates that belong behind bars and guards that belong here too. Some might think you’d find the worst of the worst in state and federal prisons. But some around you as we speak, simply got away. Like all the dirty cops and politicians out there who take bribes. White collar criminals that somehow manage to never see a day in the pen. You know who they are. You’re around them everyday. The slick talking fraudulent schemers who steal from the poor and give to the rich - the rich being themselves of course. Occasionally I’ll run into a white collar guy here behind the fence. But not often.

Remember James McDougal? He and his wife Susan involved with the Clintons in the White Water scandal a few years ago? A while back, he was doing time at FMC Fort Worth. A friend of mine told me he went in the restroom and these words were written on the wall: Bill Clinton President. Hillary Clinton First Lady. Chelsea Clinton First Daughter. Buddy First Dog. Socks First Cat. Jim McDougal First Rat. Apparently, some of the cons doing time at the Federal Medical Center there in Fort Worth didn’t care too much for old Jim. At least Susan held her mud. And as I recall, she was pretty good lookin’ too. Yeah, that was quite a deal with the McDougal’s. Of course James McDougal passed away. And I have no idea what happened to Sue.

And how about the publisher and owner of Hustler magazine? Larry Flynt. Now there was a real piece of work. I talked to a guard who’d worked at FCI El Reno for 28 years where Flynt was once an inmate. Said he rode around in his gold plated wheelchair constantly cussing and talking trash to the pigs. Sure would have liked to have met him. They said he gave out free subscriptions to his mag until of course the feds came along and outlawed porn magazines in the joint. Did you know Larry showed up in federal court one time wearing a diaper? That’s what they say anyway. Sure liked Courtney Love playing the part of his wife in “The People vs. Larry Flynt”. I think she did an excellent job. Nope, didn’t get to meet old hot headed Larry Flynt. But sure wish I had.

They say one of the members of the rock band the Monkees once did time at El Reno. If I remember right, I think it was Michael Nesbit and he was in prison for weed. Then there was the Bogwan. Some fake ass religious nut who conned old people and Jesus freaks out of all their dough. And how about the Mafioso John Gotti’s brother Gene? He and I became acquainted. Nicest guy you’d ever want to meet. Unless you crossed him of course. Then you might end up buried in an empty lot somewhere out east. Also met the Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson’s brother. He was doing time at FCI El Reno too. And of course, Ernest ROCCQ Infelise the Cicero Illinois mob boss and my celly of over a year. Yeah, you meet all kinds of infamous dudes, both white collar crooks and then some in here.

There’s a former Assistant United States Attorney serving his prison sentence at FCI Forrest City. He’s a friend of mine. A hell of an attorney doing time for possession of meth. One day working across from him in the prison law library I asked, “Mr. White. How did you do your speed?” I was expecting the 65 year old man who looked like a judge to say, “snorted it” or “smoked it” but instead you’ll never believe what he said. He made this stabbing motion toward his left inner arm, looked over the top of his glasses and said, “The only real way there is to do it of course. Shot it in my veins with a rig!” I couldn’t believe the stately looking gentleman sitting before me that use to send men and women to federal prison openly admitting he shot crystal methamphetamine.

I met the one time professional boxer Tommy Morrison in the state joint. He was a pretty impressive dude. And two former Dallas Cowboy football players. Sherman Williams has his own football team now consisting of a bunch of convicts at FCI Forrest City. The name of their team the Cowboys no less. And the other, a lesser known tailback named David Bernelli who only played for two years. He was on injury status when the Cowboys won the Super Bowl in ‘93 but still got a ring. His thing was credit card scams. Lots of former pro-athletes in these places. I know former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is at FCI Leavenworth doing time. He’s going through the Bureau’s 500 hour drug program so he can be released a year early.

Tommy Morrison

The real bad guys, they’re locked up at the Ad-Max in Florence, Colorado. Dude’s like Theodore Kaczynski, also known as the “Unibomber”. And Terry Nichols, half of the duo that blew up the Murray Federal Building in OKC. The other being Tim McVeigh of course, executed at USP Terre Haute a few years ago. There are a bunch of California Aryan Brotherhood dudes at the Administrative Maximum Security prison in Florence. Rumor has it they were calling hits on people both inside and out of the pen. And there’s Woody Harrelson’s dad Charles who killed a federal judge down in San Antonio Texas a while back. He was in Florence too, although now passed away. Also Silverstein, a stone cold killer kept in the no human contact wing because he’s already killed a few prison guards and they don’t want there to be any more.

Aryan Brotherhood

Yeah, no rainbows or lollipops for any of these folks. Even old Martha Stewart did a little bit of time. The white collar crooks doing time for embezzlement, money laundering and some for the Ponzi scheme. Martin Frankel, former stockbroker and multi-millionaire sleeps right across from me. He’s serving the exact same amount of time I am. And he stole over 210 million and all I did was possess about 4000 dollars worth of speed. Never got to meet George Jung, aka Boston George. Nor Pablo Escobar, Carlos Lehder but I did meet one of Lehder’s pilots Jack Reed and Pablo’s accountant Milian, he’s here. I think he’s doing something like seven nickels stacked, locked up since the early 80’s but about to be released. David Duke was also at FCI Big Spring once. Didn’t get to kick it with him. He was already gone when I arrived.

Martin Frankel

Geroge Jung

Just thought I’d tell everyone about some of the guys serving time in federal prison. Many who’ve been in so long you may not remember who they are. Some who died and some who did their time and went home. Some who maintain their innocence like the Fort Worth Texas con man Gary Reeder who says God gave him the added value economic system when in reality it was nothing more than a Ponzi scheme. Be careful who you trust out there. Google any one of these guys and you’ll see what I mean. From the Tennessee Judge David Lanier who gave judgment for the female plaintiff’s filing for divorce or child custody of their kids in exchange for sex to Big Sam Pernar, one of the most infamous chemists and speed cooks in the nation, I’ve met or known them all. It never ceases to amaze me who I run into in prison. I am Tripper! The low level street dealer! Better Days!

Tales From The Cells

I’m in federal prison and here is what I have to say…